Love, it’s such a complex thing, sneaking up on you when unexpected or uninvited. Often when you’d given up hope that it would ever come, unless you’re one of the lucky ones, who get’s grabbed early, or the unlucky ones, who get’s grabbed often and repeatedly.
But how many of us truly understand what love is?
The bible say’s:
1 Corinthians 13 (NIV)
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
So what this tells us that we should do everything in love, but it also tells us what love is, and what it isn’t.
How many of us can truly say that we have loved like this:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I know I can’t and I suspect the only ones who can are God and Jesus.
But despite the fact that no single one of us could ever hoped to live up to this, how many of us truly make a conscious effort to try.
It is believed that nearly half of all marriages in the UK and America end in divorce these days. However, for my Nan’s generation divorce was pretty rare, and was seen as a bad thing.
Now, divorce is simply the norm, it’s not pleasant, but still an easier option than trying to work through a marriage and iron out the problems.
On top of that, lot’s of young girls are getting pregnant, and in a lot of cases being left to raise the children by themselves, or opting out, by heading to the abortion clinics.
We also have a lot more angry youths than ever before, who are attacking innocent people; destroying others property and just generally running riot.
Real love it seems is truly lacking in this world.
But there is something else that I feel is lacking too, responsibility.
These day’s few people are prepared to take responsibility for their actions, or the actions of their children.
When our children do something wrong, we try to pass the blame, sometimes it’s our husbands fault, other times the school’s and sometimes we even look to our own parents, in order to lay the blame.
“Well if my parent’s hadn’t been so tough on me, I wouldn’t be so soft on him” or vice versa.
When what we should be saying, is “Ok, how can we/I change this behaviour.”
My son recently has started stealing other people’s drinks, not a huge crime in itself, but still wrong, especially when, the other day, he drunk and alcoholic drink, by doing this.
Now, my little boy only has to ask politely for a drink, and either my husband or I will go and get him one, so it’s not lack of fluids that is causing him to do this. However, being that he is just 5 years old, we try to monitor what he drinks, making sure he regularly gets milk, and also plenty of water, while being careful not to give him to many sugary or sweet drinks, although he does get these on occasion to as a treat.
We also let him have warm cups of tea, with one sugar, which he really enjoys, and he gets lots of Cranberry Juice, my main drink of choice.
My husband however likes Vimto, and Kye is allowed one glass of this a day, now I wondered if maybe he was doing it to get more of the drinks that Dan has, but that doesn’t fit either as he steals drinks from everyone, and often will drink the same thing that he has in his own cup at that very moment from someone else’s.
My only conclusion I could come to, is that it is a case of the grass is always greener, and that he simply wants to make sure that the other persons isn’t better than his own.
I have sat him down and discussed with him why what he is doing is wrong, and pointed out that although it is not a huge crime in itself, it is still stealing and that stealing is a sin.
Yet kye continues to take others drinks. We have also tried taking away the drinks he favours best, as a punishment, but this of course, as I feared resulted in him doing it all the more.
In the end we were forced to take away the temptation all together, and will actually take our drinks with us in order to stop him from stealing them; Which, surprisingly had the desired effect, when one day Kye came up to me and asked, “Mummy, why do you and daddy always take away your drink’s when you leave the room.”
I in turn explained how people can lose faith in others, if they repeatedly did bad things, and that Daddy and I had lost our trust in Kye, because he had continually stolen our drinks. Kye then to my surprised asked why we no longer let him try the new things we had for dinner, something we had always done before, and which both Dan and I had stopped doing without even realising it.
(Kye can be a fussy eater so whenever we try something new, he has to try some of ours before he’ll agree to have it for his own dinner one day)
The only thing I could think to say was, “Well Kye, people don’t want to share with people who just take without asking.”
He responded, “But I really wanted to try that thing you had last night.”
I explained to Kye that we loved him very much, but that when you repeatedly do things that are bad people sometimes without even realising it, will pull away from you, not trust, you and no longer want to share with you. Because they are always on edge, afraid that if you like something of theirs, you might steal it.
Kye replied, “But I wouldn’t steal your dinners.”
To which I responded, “Kye, you say that, but I never thought you would steal others drinks either.”
At the time I was not sure how much of what I had said to Kye had sunk in, and I had countless friends saying to me, but it’s just a drink what does it matter. Now, it may be just a drink, but if the behaviour is not corrected, what will it become.
Sweet’s from other children at school, food from lunchboxes, maybe even sweets from shops, if you allow your child to think it is okay to help himself to other peoples things, without asking, then what are you teaching them in the long rung.
If you want it take it?
The problem is there are plenty of parents out there who are doing just that, laughing at the little things their children do, like stealing drinks, and then they wonder why later on he goes on to steal from his classmates or worse, from other people’s homes.
My sister is a prime example of this, she had her daughter when she was just 16 years old, and she would take her out with her friends sometimes for hours on end, now, my niece was well looked after at these times, but she was also subjected to a lot of teen language, bad language, then one day while at home, with a group of my sister friends, my niece came out with a swear word, instead of being mortified my sister and all her friends started to laugh and encourage my niece to say it again and again, when I tried to intervene my sister of course over ruled me, it was after all her child.
They all went on and on about how cute it was, and how funny, and my niece lapping up the attention, and like most children enjoying their laughter, continued to repeat all the swear words they could throw at her in her cute little voice.
Now, had it not of been for my mother who on hearing what they had done, got very angry with my sister, and thus stopped the game in its tracks, my niece would have no doubt have gone to school already using swear words as an everyday part of her language.
However, there are plenty of young parents out there who don’t listen to their own parents, and who do continue the process on, only chastising the child for the swearing if they use it against them, and in some cases not even then.
Now if we go back to 1 Corinthians 13, and look at the beginning of verse 5, it says that Love does not dishonour others
Swearing, therefore not love, and the same is true of stealing.
Since becoming a Christian, I have seen how badly the UK has been affected by people turning away from God, back when my Nan was a child, God was a very large part of most family’s lives, people tried to follow God’s rules, attended church, and were not just having their children Christened for the sake of a party.
As a result children were better behaved, society as a whole was a lot more pleasant, and teens were not running riot everywhere you looked.
My Nan once said the naughtiest thing she did when she was younger was pretending she’d brushed her teeth when she hadn’t, and that even then she had felt so guilty for it, that she’d snuck out of bed when everyone was asleep to go and do it.
But the true example for following God’s rules, comes when we look at good Christian families, we see how polite their children are, how kind, and we compare them to the large majority who haven’t been raised by good Christian parents.
Now, that’s not to say that all children who are raised by parents who are not Christian are bad, as there are people out there who are not Christian, who understand the importance of raising their children to be respectful of others, hard working, and good.
So I think it is perhaps best to say, that when raising our children, regardless of if we are Christian or not, we should considered God’s words, about love and we should do our best to raise our children towards love and not hate.
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this.
Love and Hugs
Jossie Marie xxx