She lived, she loved, she wrote

The ramblings of a somewhat nutty writer

what a beautiful Day.

Monday’s are not my favorite day of the week, and I’m pretty sure I am not alone there, but waking up this morning to beautiful sunshine, certainly made the fact that it was a Monday, so much easier to cope with. 

That said I still wasn’t all that keen to get out of bed. 

Taking my son up to the bus this morning I thought back to my early years at school, and realized I couldn’t remember all that much about it, not even if I had enjoyed it or loathed it. There are just small snippets of memory.  

A schools sports day, queuing in long lines to go into the school after break time, and some very dodgy Easter hats we made. 

Although I couldn’t write well enough to keep a journal or diary, I realized that, with my poor memory even these pressures days of my child’s young life, might fade from my life if I didn’t start one now. I’ve tried before to keep a journal, and had a spurt of a few years when I was constant with it, but in the end always gave up. I’m hoping this time I can keep it going for good, so that I can look back and remember, and years after I’m gone my family can reflect on my life too. 

well love and hugs on this beautiful Monday. 

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Life ponderings

I’ve been pondering life a lot lately, as I have watched my friends and family on facebook, and wondered about why some of them insist on posting what I often feel should be private details about their lives.Statuses in which they bad mouth there friends, partners or acquaintances. Statuses in which they bleed there heart and soul to there huge list of friends, some of whole, they really don’t know all that well, and I just couldn’t understand it. 

It wasn’t something that ever really bothered me before, maybe I have grown up, or just got a little more irritable as I age, I don’t know. 

But the reality is I feel like they should not be doing it, I feel as if your private life should be just that private, that if you are low, angry or hurt, the only people you should share it with is your closest friends. 

Happiness and Joy, hopes and dreams, achievements and successes, should be what we put out for all to see, so that they can share in our joy with us. 

But then I remember no one is perfect, we all make mistakes and for some the support of anyone, no matter how well they know them, is a great comfort. 

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I have also made some good choices. Marrying my husband, and having a child with him was a good choice, one which I haven’t always appreciated as I should, and although I have not been on facebook openly cursing my husband out, I have complained about him to my closest friends, and to his face. 

I can’t remember when I stopped lifting my husband up, and started instead to put him down, but the result was I got it back, and then it became a vicious cycle. Today, and more and more recently, we have been finding our way back to where we used to be, the couple everyone wanted to be. I am remembering why I fell in love with him and married him, I am being reminded daily of how wonderful a man he can be. 

I have at times looked at others husbands and wished my husband was more like them, I have looked at my male friends and wondered, should I have married them instead, would life be better if I have. But the reality is the grass is rarely greener on the other side, a man who seems kind, affectionate and loving, will have bad quality too, quality that will annoy you just as much as your husbands do, and perhaps more if you let them. 

I think in order to keep a marriage healthy and happy it takes work, you have to remember all the good things about your partner, try hard to boost them up, and not shout them down and when you do that, you get the same in return. 

I’m planning to work on that with my husband more, because although there are things about him that annoy me at times, there is so much about him that I love. 

It has taken me a long time to realize just how lucky I am, to truly see what I have got, and how great it is, but I now know that the grass is not always greener on the other side. 

I had a friend, who I thought was amazing, the perfect man, and I was certain he would make a wonderful husband, because he was affection, smart, sensible, kind and caring.

but as the time has gone I have also realized that he is insecure, afraid, set in his ways, overly sensitive, and well quite selfish. 

let me explain, he is insecure, because he has been hurt in the past, but those insecurity make it very hard for him to truly let go or trust people, I have never met someone who is so anti forgiveness and so distrusting of others as him, the result being he largely keeps himself to himself. He is afraid of being hurt, so again he shuts himself away, refuses to take risk and frequently runs away from bad situation, rather than facing them and dealing with them. He is set in his ways, not open to new ideas, and fails to have an open mind, meaning he has his view of what is right and what is wrong, and as far as he is concerned everything is just black and white, he cannot look behind others actions to the pain or hurt, need or desperation, feelings and longings that might lie beneath. When I say he is overly sensitive, I refer to his inability to take a joke, he becomes quiet and moody, refuses to talk to you, and his tone of voice lets you know he is not happy and as for the selfish, he is totally set to self preservation mode. To the point that he can’t see beyond his own needs, and wants. It is all about him, and I have found that when I have been deeply hurting and in need of his help, my place in his list of priority is right behind whatever it is he wants to be doing, be it eating, sleeping, or watching a program. 

Today, I asked myself, is this man really better, no, he isn’t. He is a good person with flaws like all the rest of us, like my husband, and the reality is, his flaws, I think at least for me are to hard to stomach. I am an open minded person, I care about people, they come first, and I want my partner to care about me, put me first or at least high up on his list of priorities, and my husband does that, he cares for our needs, works tirelessly to support us, and  always does his best to be available when I or our child needs him. 

He is fun, will have a laugh and a play fight with you, he lets me call him silly names, that perhaps he’d rather not be called, but which he knows I call him out of affection, such as bambi. He has a short fuse, but he would never intentionally hurt Kye or me, he is simply bark, and always regrets it later. 

He would never leave us, run away from us, or abandon us, we are always his main priority, even if at times he does get a little distracted, but we are all guilty of that. 

he makes me laugh, makes me feel loved and special, and always has his phone on, just encase. 

He is also incredibly handsome, and has an amazing body, lots of people think he looks a lot like Ryan Gosling and although look really don’t matter, it still nice to be attracted physically to your partner right, and a nice little bonus. 

In terms of who would be easier to live with, it would probably be my friend, but when it comes to fun, passion, excitement, and being able to joke and jest a little, my husband wins hands down. When I am in my forties maybe I’ll want to sit around watching films, sipping tea and living a quiet life, but that isn’t what I want now, I love my boys noisy banter, and roll my eyes every time my friend makes comments about my noisy son, and his boisterous play with his dad, or the barking dogs, who are all happy at the family antics too. 

But the biggest differences are these,my friend is a cat person, and I am a dog person, snooty verses loyal and loving, and that kind of reflects in our personality’s too. I love to be playful to hear laughter and joy, he likes quiet and peace, I love people and being around them, he likes to stay solitary sticking to only the people who challenge him the least and just let him be. I have lots of responsibilities and he really doesn’t have any major ones at all, and he doesn’t want them either. I strive to be independent from my parents, brothers, sisters, and to focus on my husband and son, and our own family, he’s to afraid to step out on his own, and make his own way.

When I first met my friend I thought he was amazing, and he still is, just now I know his flaws too and i think that is what we forget sometimes, everyone you meet, who likes you will strive to only show you what is good, and this works for a month, or even a year or two, but eventually, there faults will begin to show through, and sometimes the faults just outweigh the good. 

I’m just glad I was able to open my eyes, before walking away from a man with whom I feel perfectly matched because I am certain I’d have lived to regret it. 

I have come to believe that there are just a few things that you need in a man to be happy, you need to be able to trust him, you need to know that he will be there when you truly need him, and that he’d never just walk out when times get tough, because a real man stands by his family no matter what, and he need to be your best friend, because if you can’t laugh with him, share with him, and be an equal to him, it just won’t work and that’s not to say you wont disagree just that when you do he’s willing to listen to your point of view, and to try at least to understand where you are coming from, and finely he needs to love you for you, in-spite of your faults, and not try to force you to change to fit his needs, because if he needs you to change clearly your not meant to be. 

I am very fortunate to have most of these quality’s in my husband, there is only one of these areas where he struggles a little, but i love him in spite of that, and I am so glad that we found each other. 

I know now that the grass is lush and rich right where I am, and all that lays on the other side, was pain, heartache and regret, I’m just glad i realized it, before I threw all my blessings away.

thanks for reading and take care cause I care. 

p.s. don’t read this wrong and think i cheated on my husband, I didn’t, I would never do that, But I did for a time wonder at what was on the other side of the fence, but it’s late and that’s perhaps a story for another day xx


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what I really hate

Ok another writing exercise this one based around what I really hate, and there is one thing that shots right to the top of my hate list, oh my golly ollie you would not believe how much this thing grates on me, and this thing is, Drama queens/kings on facebook.

Those people that spend there whole lives moaning about the family, friends, ect on facebook.

Those statuses that say “I am so frigging mad right now, some people are so rude, learn to be a real friend, you know who you are.” and they are inevitably fishing for people to go, “awwww hun are you ok, what’s wrong?” and then it’s “I’ll inbox you,”, or for the really brash they just splurge it all out then and there.

I mean seriously, get over it move on and keep your private life private. Do you seriously want everyone to think all you do is whine and moan. You have no idea what true hardship it if all you have to moan about is someone who ignored you in the street, or called you a silly name grow up, shrug it off and move on. Rise above it.

there are people starving on the street, people dying from cancer, and all kinds of terrible things going on in the world, yet do you hear them on facebook moaning about it, no because they are getting on with it and making the best of a bad situation.

Ok I’m gonna stop now or I’ll just rant all over the place, but this is one of my biggest bugaboos, just grow up and if your a man grow a pair.

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Being thankfull

So I was given this writing exercise, in which I had to state what I am truly thankful for, and there are, let me assure you, so so many things. however, I didnt want to do something obvious like family, friends, God’s love, and so on and so forth, and so instead opted for Hot Pockets. Yes you read that right hot pockets, or more specifically, ham and cheese hot pockets.

These little crispy pastry pockets filled with gooey scrummy cheese and chunks of ham, tantalise my taste buds more than even Chocolate, and the mere mention of them can have me salivating like a deranged dog. I could eat them for ever meal, could devour nothing else for the rest of my life, and would be a crumbling wreck of emotions should they ever be gone.

so there you have it, what I am thankful for, now excuse me while I go devour one lol.

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never enough time in the day

It seems as if there is never enough time in the day lately, this may not be helped by the fact that I also have a serious addiction to bubble witch saga on facebook at the moment. So between writing exercises, my writing classes, child care, which includes a sick little boy at the moment, dog walking, and house cleaning I am ending each day exhausted and having struggled to tick off all my todo’s.

struggled but not failed yet lol, but it’s starting to feel like I might, so I was wondering how others cope with day to day stresses and a lack of time in their days? maybe you can tell me your coping mechanisms. 

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organisational skills.

Have you ever looked in your documents file on your computer and just thought “Oh dear!” well that was what I did the other day, and so I set out on a mission to clean up, and back up my documents. Being a writer, I have lots of word documents a lot of which are very important, however, I am often a very bad writer in deed, because as well as not organising everything well, I frequently forget to back up. 

So yesterday I started to tackle all the clutter and ensure that all my work was not only back up once but twice, I did this by starting an email account specifically for backing up my work, and by also sending it all to my editor who had a nice surprise this morning, in the form of lots and lots of emails, jam backed with work for him to back up. He had agreed to this first, just encase you are wondering. So it is all looking a lot tidier in my documents file. 

I’ve also been working on a few writing exercises which are currently being edited and will be up on the site soon. 

So how do you back up your work, and are you files organised or chaos central?

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Death by watermellon

Well the first prompt I have attempted from the book, your first 1,000 days in writerspark, required me to write a piece that was no more than a hundred words long, and which included a few specific items, I won’t say  what they were you’d have to get the book for that, it’s very reasonably priced on Amazon and I downloaded to my kindle in seconds, with a book like this it would be easy to use on the free kindle for pc too, if you don’t have a normal kindle. Any who, I have attempted exercise one, and not being a fan of writing to a word limit it proved a little bit of a challenge and required some cropping to get it within the 100 word limit, well dead on it in fact. So here it is enjoy. 

Thunder boomed overhead, followed a few minutes later by a flash of lighting which illuminated the farmyard long enough to reveal  the crumpled form of Martin Riddler, stretched out, unmoving on the hard cobblestones. There had been no one to hear his frantic retching as he choked on a clump of watermelon seeds, while standing in his porch watching the rain fall and he had stumbled but a few paces, before his collapse, the only remaining signs of his starting position, the dropped watermelon, and a torn shred of cloth from his shirt, that now flapped violently in the wind. 

if you get the book and have a go at this yourself, I would love to see what you come up with, either leave yours in a comment or a link to your blog so I can come and check it out 🙂 

you can purchase your first 1,000 days in writerspark here, for just £1.95 not bad for so many prompts

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was lost but now am found lol

Well it’s been a while since I was here posting a blog, I know slacking, but I intend to get back on the ball, and start posting regularly, well what’s new with me, I just got an offer from a publisher for my book Insane Reno, however I have declined, and have decided to try for an editor first, as I would prefer having someone on my side who is knowledgeable about the publishing industry. Still having had a publisher wanting to publish my book has given me a big boost of confidence, which is never a bad thing. So I guess it’s a case of watch this space at the moment.

I plan to start doing writing exercises from a book I just purchased and downloaded on my kindle called, your first 1,000 days in writerspark, and will be aiming to do an exercises a day from here and if they are any good, lol, I shall post them up here, thus keeping regular postings going on here.

So hope you are all well, take care cause I care, Joss xx

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